Goodbye My Sweet Adler Girl

"The moment that you left me, my heart was split in two, one side was filled with memories, the other side died with you. I often lay awake at night when the world is fast asleep and take a walk down memory lane with tears upon my cheek.  Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday, but missing you is a heartache that never goes away. I hold you tightly within my heart and there you will remain; you see life has gone on without you but will never be the same." -- sayinggoodbye.org

On Thursday, Oct. 22, 2015, we said goodbye to our beautiful, sweet Adler. She lived on this earth for almost 11 years – defying the life expectancy of her breed’s 7-9 years. She was a pretty perfect dog never chewing a toy or shoe that was left out. She traveled through many states with us on road trips and enjoyed many vacations, especially the ones that included the beach. She loved rolling in the sand and running on the shore. I can picture her now running down the beach with a huge grin on her face, tongue hanging out. Run sweet girl, run and jump. Know that I will forever look for you behind the couch and on the landing of our stairs. I will see you in your leftover hair embedded in our carpet and those that are still collecting in the corners of our home. I will remember you forever by the scratches I see on our hardwood floors and on the steps. I will always know the sound of the jingling of your collar and I will recognize it instantly when we meet again. Rest in peace my sweet Addie girl. I love you always and forever. 11/27/04 - 10/22/15.

She's gone and my heart is broken. On Wednesday, all Adler wanted to do was lay in the yard. She would go outside for hours on end (something she never did). She barely mustered the energy to eat and toward the end of the day she had difficulty standing. In fact, Tom carried her up to bed the last night she spent on this earth because she couldn't walk. I called the vet hospital as we were scheduled for chemo the next morning and decided I would take her in early to be checked out before any scheduled chemo. At 5am, I awoke to her crying trying to get up. I presumed she had to go to the bathroom so Tom carried her downstairs while I quickly dressed. It was time. I needed to bring her to the hospital.

Tom laid her on our front lawn and while I was pulling the car up, we saw her get up for what would be the last time and bolt to the other side of the lawn to go to the bathroom. She then collapsed and we carried her to the car. I drove her 40 minutes away to the vet hospital where they loaded her on a gurney and I told her I loved her for what would be the last time. I never saw her alive again. She went into cardiac arrest pretty soon after we were separated and they couldn't bring her back with CPR. I'd like to think she waited until I was gone to do that so I wouldn't have to see it but it kills me that I wasn't there to be with her those final moments of her life.  I also believe that she didn't want me to have to make the decision to end her life. She was going to take that decision out of my hands because she knew how hard it was going to be for me. See, she was the best dog even at the end.

I spent about three hours with her after her death (Tom joined me with Hailey as soon as he dropped Austen and Peyton off at school). They brought me to a room and brought her in soon thereafter. I couldn't believe how cold she was getting already and stiff. I kissed her and rubbed her body like I did so many times before remembering every inch of her and taking it all in for the final time. I cut her beautiful fur and kept the striking rust, white and black hairs that I still see all over my house even after the cleaning ladies have come. I know I will see those hairs for a long while. Sometimes they make me feel sad and other times they make me smile. I look for them now. In the spots where she always laid or on my clothes. It's only been three days but I can't bring myself to remove her bed or her treats or so many of the other reminders of her. Seeing the place where her dog bowls were looks so bare. I look for her in her usual spots where she sleeps and she's not there anymore. The house is so quiet now during the day without her, especially when I put Hailey down for a nap and it's usually just Adler and I. That's when I miss her the most.

Oh my beautiful sweet Adler, I will miss you and love you forever. You were one of a kind and there will never be another like you. Someday, we'll see you again when you meet us at the bridge. Until then watch over us always and we'll visit you often in our many wonderful memories. We love you.